Jumat, 01 Agustus 2014

Sebuah Penyakit yang Langka !!

I wish that I'm not the only one person in the world who has the same problem in communication. This story is about my biggest problem, a problem that may make people feel that I get heavy social disorder, a problem that may make the people feel that I always convine myslef at home or my room without any interractions with the people except my familiy. It's very very different and it's unique. 

I realize it when I pass into university. I'm the student of law faculty in one of the university in Malang city. It begins when I attended the meetings to discuss about the event's progress of my organization. When It was my turn to explain the progress, I felt that I was very different with others. I was getting into awkward moment. Then, the hell was coming. I spoke like I was in court with the people and judge who intimidate me as a heavy sinner. I was very nervous at the time because that was the first time I spoke in public. I thought that it was natural for the first, but It's continued from time to time. 

It happens also when I'm talking to my friends, even my closest friend. I have explained about my problem to my friends, but there's no help. Oke if they can't help, I can find it by myself. 

O ya, I'm sorry. I forget to tell you that there're 4 kinds of problem communication I have. The first is I'm very nervous to speak in public, the 2nd, I have small voice (but sometimes I can speak loudly. How it can be? I dunno ~_~) and the last, sometimes my mind can't be synchronized with my mouth. It means that I wanna say about "A", but I say about "B". This shit make me suffer for almost 2 years. The fourth is sometimes I can't say the related topic clearly, so it has relation with the the 1st problem. Oke, Lemme tell the 2nd one and the 3rd one.

Small voice. Hmmm... Science prove that a man/woman who has small voice because of they have small vocal chord in their throat. I'm sure we accept this fact absolutely but how about my problem? Another opinion on entire webs say that it's a process towards maturity. Maturity? Heyyy I'm already 19th Y.O -__-. And I think it's enough to determine that I'm already adult.

My mouth can't be synchronized with my mind. It happens all the time in some circumstances. Sometimes I wanna do sarcasm conversation. Do you know sarcasm ? Wikipedia said : Sarcasm is "a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark; a bitter gibe or taunt. It's not like quip someone with bad purpose, it just a little bit more subtle than quip or even humiliate someone. I wanna do sarcasm, but my mouth speak like usual, flat, and so on. I wanna put a joke in it (like sarcasm), but ya as I said, I don't make it (Pathetic!!). So, my friends said that I always looks seriously, just because I seldom put some jokes in my conversation -___-"

Everything has been drafted in my mind even in a very little scale into the main topic. At first, around 5 minutes after I start to speak, I speak clearly, loudly, my mind synchronize with my mouth. I say it an opening statement. But, when the conversation enter into the main topic, this shit happens again. I hate it so much. Why? Why God  give me this shit? If I can't solve it, how's my future? There's no future within myself.

Is it natural? I really don't know about this. Is it related with my past ? I think so. My past, exactly when I studied at senior high school, I was really really seldom doing heavy conversation. I have a few friends while the others have many. Exactly, my teenager time is mostly bad and I think this shit comes from my past.

I hope for us, with the same sickness, try any means necessary to end it forever (If you have the same shit with me) If someone out there where their problem has been solved read my experiences, put your opinion on comment box. We hope by your experience, we can solve it forever. :)

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